8 1/2 (1963; Federico Fellini)

I have been struggling to find the inspiration to put more work into this site. In a sort of strange coincidence, I managed to find my inspiration in Fellini's 8 1/2. This is a film so strongly built on incoherency of inspiration that it fit perfectly with my conundrum.


To try and define 8 1/2 in simple descriptions such as mine seems like it would do more harm than good. In the most concrete form, it is a character study about a famous director who wishes to create a film that acts as his autobiography, but at the same time seems to be his last grasps with confronting the life he has lived. As he tries to unveil the scope of his film, he seems to struggle more and more with justifying the events that to most others seem like a surrealistic take on the state of loneliness.

8 1/2 is a film that very much speaks for itself, so my review will be short and sweet. Films such as this are so hard to pigeon hole into categories as they feel so layered and lovingly composed that to skip over any of the content feels like as much as an injustice as trying to tear the film apart. It is a piece that seamlessly blends reality with dreams and than mixes them both into cinema. It makes you question the state of the characters, the state of Fellini, and the state of yourself. The score is phenomenal and it isn't very often you see a film so gorgeously shot that still manages to keep your attention with it's full, gripping content. Despite the hefty length, 8 1/2 flutters by in an instant and will rattle your world.

I really did mean short and sweet, however I hope that the impact of films like this continue to inspire me to write and will hopefully have more up soon.

Score: 5/5

Notes: After rewatching Santa Sangre again recently as well, clowns are more and more becoming everyday occurrences of life.

The Lovely Bones (2009; Peter Jackson)

My feelings behind the announcement of this title were very strong. The idea that Peter Jackson might start honoring his humble beginnings by giving us another Heavenly Creatures was just blowing my mind. I just kept thinking to myself how nothing could go wrong, because obviously Peter Jackson is immune to the trends of the spotlight...


A very young teenage girl gets murdered. However she refuses to leave the land between the living and dead so she can observe what is happening to the people who were around her.

If the very ominous "..." didn't give it away, that was sarcasm up in the first part of this review. Being under the spotlight with high financing seems to have finally killed Jackson's chances of handing us another Heavenly Creatures (let alone another Bad Taste). The wonderful soul behind the somewhat twisted message is completely absent for this recent attempt.

First off, if you are trying to decide whether or not a certain scene requires CGI, it doesn't. This film felt like a gigantic test of my tolerance for computer animation. Half of the effects were completely unnecessary. They were supposed to express the wonderful creativity that was the land between Heaven and Earth, but one can find beautiful locations on Earth that fit just as well and don't kill the atmosphere nearly as bad. Look at Lord of the Rings for example, which was also shot by Jackson and the environments looked absolutely breathtaking in some scenes. While on that topic, I'm no expert on the book, but half of the imagery and symbolism just felt absolutely needless. Throwing in imagery and CGI for the sake of having them simply doesn't cut it, sorry (just look at Halloween II).

Now to just to throw the rest out there and meet my minimum requirements, the soundtrack was interesting at a few points, but ultimately just distracting, poorly timed, and kinda loud. The acting was mostly solid (Stanley Tucci did wonderful) but the characters weren't given much to work with within the story arch. The entire message of the film sort of gets jumbled between all the abstract, useless sequences and it really just falls apart.

Before ending, I will give it a few positive spins. A small handful of scenes actually were well executed and enjoyable, and even though I had a perfect example lined up it got buried under the garbage pile in my mind, so that is all I got.

Score: 1/5

Notes: I know it doesn't release until 2010, but IMDb insists on 2009 and who am I to argue? Also, they didn't have faces on the back of milk cartons. What the hell was up with the cheap looking digital film?

Spoorloos (1988; George Sluizer)

I've said before that I always use the titles I first heard whenever naming a review for this site, but this title is Spoorloos for another reason on top of that. I don't want anyone thinking I'm talking about Sluizer's American remake under the same English title, The Vanishing.


A man goes on a road trip through France with his girlfriend/wife/what-have-you. While stopped at a gas station, she decides to stop in and get them both drinks and never returns. Completely destroyed by this, the man spends the next several years of his life searching for her kidnapper. His persistence pays off eventually, as his fliers finally catch the attention of the kidnapper himself.

It may seem like I'm giving something away even though I normally never do (with the exception of The Uninvited as I was completely determined to tear that remake apart). However, none of that description is a spoiler as most of that is given to the viewers right away. The focus of Spoorloos is very much the conflict and thoughts of the two men involved. It is for all intents and purposes one of the greatest character studies ever filmed. While one of the major points has popped up repeatedly in both film culture and music (how long would you search for the one you love?) there are a myriad of other important aspects to pick up along the way. Maybe the most important part, though, is how closely the film hits home. You have no choice but to immediately root for the man as he desperately clings to memories of her, knowing full well you would do the same.

I won't waste your time with many of the more technical aspects as you should be spending your time hunting down a copy of this piece for yourself, but some things need to be said for those who are interested. The camera is served to us in a mostly minimalistic style, rarely focusing on backdrops or rapid motion, chosing instead to give us intense, focused shots on the people involved. The camera never falters, challenging us to bare witness, and even mentally take part in, the events that unfold.

Score: 5/5

Notes: Never Take Bike Trips to France

Paradise Murdered (2007; Kim Han-min)

With my winter break in motion and most of my friends visited, I finally have some time to sit down and enjoy a few moments of peace.


A small island community numbering only seventeen citizens finds itself in quite a situation. The situation being that all seventeen of them disappear and no one knows why. The film proceeds to go back in time to give us a first hand experience of what really happened.

First off let me say that despite how much I hate most thrillers that come out of the US, I've noticed foreign pieces tend to feel a lot more fresh and appear to know that they actually have room to move around and explore (see Memories of Murder for an example of this). This is most likely caused by the unbelievable amount of red tape and butchering scripts have to go through in the US to get the green light (aka, turn everything into Se7en). The whole point of all this is mostly that just because things get described as thrillers, don't get too distraught until you find out what country it is from.

Right off the bat you notice that Han-min isn't planning on taking the entire film too seriously as we are introduced to the film by over-acting fisherman screaming about like little girls finding a spider. This is a trend that continues through the earlier parts of the film, and one can't help but feel a little uncomfortable with that. As I see it there are two sides to this, either you could see it as just some jabs at light-hearted humor, or you could see it as more of an inadequacy on Han-min's part. This film being his debut, (and strangely enough not on IMDb) odds are his confidence might have been a little on the lesser side of the spectrum. As far as I am concerned the jabs at humor were unnecessary as the film was actually interesting enough and had enough compelling atmosphere to stand on its own. This, in return, produces a negative effect as everytime one of the nonsense scenes pops up, it reminds you of just how much of a movie it really is.

As you should notice by the plot, this piece focuses on a very large group of individuals, which makes it hard for the director to make them appear as individuals and not just background noise. This might be the strongest asset this film has. While not as evenly spread and thorough as pieces like 9 Souls and The Thing, most of the cast on the island have enough time to develop past the 2D place holder mark. That accomplishment alone is fantastic considering there are seventeen of them and the film clocks at just under two hours long.

Overall the film has enough strength to hold on its own. While some of the absurditys can grind on your patience near the beginning, the whole thing comes together well enough as the tale progresses. The pacing and structure are solid, keeping your interest and not bogging the story down while trying to conceal what was really happening. It all wraps up into a nice mystery that while flawed, is still enjoyable enough to sit down to on a nice night before bed (if you can't tell, that is what I did ;) ).

Score: 3/5

Notes: Whodunit? Whodunwhat?

Kichiku Dai Enkai (1997; Kazuyoshi Kumakiri)

Kichiku Dai Enkai comes off as sort of an inspirational film, as strange as that may sound. Not to the degree that I find their vague rebellionism inspiring or that I find their clothing so hip to the jive. It is more that this film plays like a gore film should. It has some good effects, some half decent acting, and even some good camera work. What is so inspirational about that? This was Kumakiri's senior thesis in college and is really just his college buddies messing around on tape.


As the story goes, some political college group gets in trouble and their beloved leader goes to jail. He decided to put his girlfriend in charge of the group which begins to sew discontent, etc.

I'm going to keep this review on the short side as I already wrote another review recently and I really should be writing papers instead. As stated before, this is a college level piece, but don't let that give you any wrong ideas. The only thing that gives away that this is a college work is the fact that the stars are all college aged.

The camera is what really sold me. While it has an amateur feel to it, it also portrays a very serious and skilled knowledge of the do's and do not's. The first Evil Dead film comes to mind as a comparison, however, I feel that Kumakiri does it a little better than young Raimi.

The score is sparse (whether it be from lack of budget or actual choice I'm not sure) but is effective enough when used. The real problem here lies with the pacing. To succeed at making a slowly paced, character driven piece (which believe it or not is what this film is) you really need to have actors that shine and can carry a lot of weight with their dialogue. While this shows ambition, it really isn't an area that tends to excel in college works. While I doubt it was naivity on Kumakiri's part, it still is a wound that the film never really can rebound from.

Score: 3/5

Notes: Slow Pacing? Character Development? In a gore film?

Sling Blade (1996; Billy Bob Thorton)

A film highly overlooked by most people due mostly to the monolithic success that was Forrest Gump, Sling Blade is... wait a minute. I never review anything up here...


Much better. Well, I might as well do the plot first too... Karl, a mildly handicapped individual, is put into a mental hospital after killing his mother and her lover at a very young age. Fast forward a few years and now it is time for Karl to be released as an adult to create a life of his own. With great unease the hospital releases him, and we get front row seats to just how adapted Karl is.

Alright, now to backtrack, Sling Blade was regrettably ignored by most people (myself included... but I was 6, give me a break) during the colossal reign of Forrest Gump. I'm not saying Forrest Gump didn't deserve the attention, but we need to learn to spread the love a little more.


The first moments of the film where we witness Karl's interview with a young girl writing for her school newspaper and then his eventual release set an unforgettable tone of unease. This is our first introduction to Karl, and we are thrown right in with the rest of the characters as we try to figure out whether Karl has really recovered. This part of the film seals the deal as to why Forrest Gump won out. The light-hearted sides of film tend to sell better.

That isn't to say that the entire film has a serious tone about it, that is. In actuality, the film does have quite the mixture of emotions thrown into it with great success. Add on top of that a great timely soundtrack to fit the southern atmosphere and baby, you got a stew going.

The only thing I can dock this film for is the lack of replay action it will get (which is another contrast to Forrest Gump). This film is a beast (two and a half hours or something like that) and it just didn't feel like the material was enough to warrant frequent repeats (it was damn close, though).

Score: 4/5

Notes: Hades (Some people call it Hell, but I call it Hades)

Memories of Murder (2003; Bong Joon-ho)

It is about time for me to cover another of my current top ten, Memories of Murder. This review is going to contain many more stills than I normally use because this is one of the most beautifully shot films ever, and it just so happens that a lot of the scenes I was going to talk about happen to have images I could find.


At a time when South Korea was desperately trying to claw it's way up to match the modern, leading first world countries, a killer arose to take advantage of the confusion and chaos that was enveloping the criminal justice system. As young women start to wind up murdered across a small province, local "detectives" Park and Cho are forced to team up with a professionally trained detective straight from Seoul, Seo. As the crimes continue, the three men desperately dig for any sort of connections between the murders that might help them get one step ahead.

The thriller tones sound obvious, but I assure you that this is nothing like the garbage you see coming out of the US. Several important aspects are at play during the film, all of which play a major role in the development of the case and of the characters, themselves. Park and Cho are from the small province they watch over, and thus have not yet become part of the rapid development that Seoul has been put through. This leads to complete differences in styles that make Park and Cho come off as idiots and almost neandrotholic. However, as the film progresses and the characters evolve, you see that the truth is completely different. You begin to understand the motives of the three men and why they act the way they do.


Right from the start you are shown the lack of organization that Park, Cho, and Seo have to try and work with. They are not taken seriously by the citizens around them, which leads to a lack of containment at the crime scenes and results in the destruction of valuable evidence. As the film develops, you start to witness the full extent of Bong Joon-ho's eye for the camera. The still above represents one of my favorite scenes in which a reinactment of a crime goes wrong. The shot and the one that takes place after it are truly awe-inspiring. As far as the score goes, it melds perfectly with the mood of every scene, further dragging us into their desperation and hopes.

The true extent of the desperation, and a major turning point for one of the detectives is the still above. We witness a truly heart-wrenching scene that connects to a part earlier in the film that makes you want to break down and cry with them. However, not all of the movie is as emotionally draining, as interspersed throughout the piece we find some truly fabulous humor, but never enough to ruin the overall tone that lurches over the film. The performances are spectacular, some of the greatest I have ever seen. As discussed earlier, the detectives transitions and our opinions of them were only possible by the spotless performances of all involved.

The point I am trying to get at? That this movie is damn near perfection. I could continue to go on and on, but I rather not give anymore away than I already have. The only thing I could see bothering people is the pacing. I have witnessed this first hand, that when people go into a thriller they expect slick, fast paced action. However, I think that those people are fools and should go back to their Fincher films and leave the real masterpieces to people like us.

Score: 5/5

Notes: I wish I could score it higher, The film with the same title being released this year is NOT a remake (I was so happy to find that out).

Jacob's Ladder (1990; Adrian Lyne)

It has taken me a long time to thing of something to write as an introduction to this review. I had all these wonderfully constructed things to say in my mind about the movie, but nothing as an introduction. Then I finally gave up and put this.


Jacob is a Vietnam veteran who has returned home to New York (I think it was New York... whatever, just Big City X). He had gotten a doctorate degree, been divorced, and is now dating a woman who works at the post office with him (despite his doctorate, yes). His life starts to go off has he begins to flashback to a certain day in Vietnam where his platoon was attacked and he, himself, was injured. His flashbacks begin to manifest themselves into reality, having an effect on his health and daily life. As to prevent giving away much else, the rest of the film is him combating his flashbacks and memories of his past.

I find it hard to limit myself to such a summary of this film. To really get a grasp on what I am going to try and explain to you, you really just have to watch it for yourself. This film is so heavily event driven that reviewing it will be hard without being able to directly reference certain events. I will try and express what I can anyway, however, as I feel this is a neglected film that needs to be heard.

Jacob's Ladder is for all extents and purposes, a film about a man's struggle within himself. While that is pretty generic sounding, you have to realize that it really is a man's struggle within himself. The genius of Lyne's work is that he makes all the events, no matter how disturbing, completely grounded into reality on some sort of level. This is very important in the impact of the film as it drives you so strongly convinced of reality until the last scene of the film.

The whole film is built off of dual meaning. While you are watching the film, every event is both significant in the life of Jacob as he perceives it, and as a symbol in the struggle he is having. I am trying to drive home to you that this film is a lot deeper than just gore and drama on screen.


I know the previous segment will be hard to follow without having actually seen the film, and I apologize that I really can't simplify it anymore. I needed to stress the importance of the symbolism so that people don't walk away feeling the ending as some sort of cop-out. That could completely ruin the whole film for them, and they don't even realize they are missing out on what they really just saw. Now I will discuss some of the more technical aspects I usually cover so that there is at least one part in this review people who have yet to watch this movie can grasp.

At first I was weary as the camera felt sort of dull and unmotivated to really capture any scene with any real form of emotion. However, I quickly found out how wrong I was as the film threw me into some of the most wonderful visuals I can remember seeing in recent history. The soundtrack is unmemorable (there might not even be one... that is how forgettable it is) and is the only truly real disappoint in my mind at the moment. That rounds off this review with a...

Score: 4/5

Notes: Hippy Scientists, No Post-Production Special Effects

Rope (1948; Alfred Hitchcock)

Most of my movies that I review tend to be relatively new. Can you blame me? These movies are from my generation, are easier to research, and are easier to obtain. However, as a self proclaimed "film addict" I must always take some time to go back and obtain the classics. While most of them have been put on Criterion, and are therefore ludicrously expensive, some maintain normal (cheap) releases. Those are the ones for me.


Two intellectual socialites have embraced an idea that certain individuals at such a sophisticated level such as themselves have the right and responsibility to kill lesser individuals. To prove to themselves just how cunning they are, they decide to not only kill one of these lesser humans, they decide to hide the body in a chest in the middle of their living room. It also just so happens they are hosting a party for the man they murdered in that very room.

I have always maintained that Rope is Hitchcock's strongest film (followed closely by other well knowns such as Rear Window and Vertigo). The actors in this film pull off their respective roles perfectly, my favorite performance being Brandon (John Dall) who is a charismatic and manipulative som' bitch (and who is also a murderer).

I will be honest, some of my enjoyment of this film comes from the knowledge of how it was made. Hitchcock wanted to try and shoot a film in as few shots as possible. He was, however, limited to the length of the modern film reels, which led to the film ending at around ten rolls, with some of the cuts hidden by zooming into objects and zooming out at the start of the next roll.

That being said, this led to the camera being mostly restrained to sweeps and zooms, but it worked almost perfectly within the small confines of the film (a single room and a hall).

Which brings me to another thing I have noticed. There is something about confined films that makes me feel that it can show so much more about the director's skills when they can craft an interesting and gripping film only utilizing one or two set pieces (see 12 Angry Men). I also enjoy when directors can successfully juggle a large cast of major characters, but that is for later reviews (see my top two favorite films).

Where does this film go wrong? I felt the continual use of dialogue that was suppose to be cleverly playing around with the murder (stories of strangling chickens, the use of the word dead) was a bit over used and became so obvious at points it distracted you from the atmosphere of the film and pulled you back into reality for just a split second. While small, it still has an impact on the final vision of the film that prevents it from achieving the coveted perfect score.

Score: 4.5/5

Notes: James Stewart is a Sexy Man

Fall Guy (1982; Kinji Fukasaku)

Ah, Kinji Fukasaku, the man that brought us the almost painfully mainstream success here in the US, Battle Royale. There is nothing wrong with being mainstream or being Battle Royale, it is just more of that Dark Knight syndrome following it around. I shall leave the rest of my comments for my Battle Royale I & II review sometime in the future...


First off I don't know much about the history of this film, so I have no idea if it really was shot in black and white the first time around, however, the R1 copy of the film is in color, so those of you who flip out about not having color can calm down.

My summary for this piece will be a little longer than normal as I feel to better understand this film, you need a fuller history to it. Our lead (Yasu or something like that) is a bit player, meaning he is just one of those faceless guys in the movies (mostly samurai movies in this case) who gets thrown around. In this case, he is being thrown around by his idol, Ginshiro or something (I am bad with names). Part of the culture during this generation was that lead actors were like super stars, and their fans would pretty much do anything for them. Well, Ginshiro is losing his fans to another, younger lead actor (name is unimportant and forgotten by me) and ontop of this, the record setting stunt shot he was supposed to shoot (flipping a man down a 30 foot tall staircase) had been cut because no bit player or stuntman was brave enough to take the fall.

Then more tradegy strikes Ginshiro when he finds out his girlfriend has gotten pregnant. I shouldn't have to tell you, but just incase, that was a big no-no in Japan (as well as the US if it counts for anything). To help save his crumbling face, he asks (forces) Yasu to pretend to be the father of the child and to marry the girl. Yasu's love for Ginshiro (and his secret love for Ginshiro's girlfriend) lead him to say yes, which in return leads to him taking more dangerous rolls in films to pay for the extra mouths.

I don't know about you, but I find the story behind this film to be quite genius. Yasu is an optimistically pathetic character who his pushed around due to his nice demeanor. Ginshiro is a once powerful man who is becoming pushier as his downfall approaches. Whats-her-face is a woman torn between the father of her child (whom she also loves) and the man who is obviously willing to do anything to make her happy. Once you add into the mix the fact that every single character in this film is delibrately overacted (to the point where most lines are actually being screamed and not spoken) to mirror how extreme (and ludicrous) their devotions are, it quickly becomes a recipe for success.

Now I will briefly cover my other usual sections. The music is very catchy, especially the main song that opens up the film, which is never a bad thing. The camera is actually the only thing that remains "normal" among the absurdity of the film, which brings a wonderful sense that we (the camera representing us) are not as crazy as what we are seeing. The only reason I am not handing this film a perfect score is because I have only seen it once, and I never hand out 10's after only one viewing. Whenever I watch this film again, I might come back and edit the score as I see fit, but for now...

Score: 4.5/5

Notes: Movie about a Movie about a Movie.

The Prestige (2006; Christopher Nolan)

"Now you're looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled."


The Prestige, the film I believe to be Nolan's greatest achievement to date (despite the several million people who would disagree with me) is finally being reviewed on my site. How exciting.

Two up start magicians have a bumpy beginning and spend the rest of their lives trying to one up each other. The sheer determination of both of them brings their competition to life threatening proportions as both of the men refuse to back down. To put it briefly, it is a story of unparalleled determination.

Nolan's expertise in story telling and presentation are at their peak as he transforms a very entertaining book into the perfect screen adaptation. He makes exactly the right changes to make the book's tale fit.

As for his presentation; it is spot on. His camera feels perfectly balanced with it's colors and zooms. The music is constructed perfectly for the era we are being shown, yet still feels so wonderful on our ears.

The original tale told on paper is filled with twists and turns that are almost completely unexpected, however the film kicks it up a notch, burying you with hints and clues without you being the slightest bit aware. That toppled upon one of the most gripping realities once you finally grasp it all makes this film worthy of a...

Score: 4.5/5

Notes: Better Than The Dark Knight

No Country for Old Men (2007; Joel & Ethan Coen)

Ed Tom Bell: Now that's aggravatin'.
Wendell: Sheriff?
Ed Tom Bell: *points to a bottle of milk* Still sweatin'.
Wendell: Whoa, Sheriff! We just missed him! We gotta circulate this!
Ed Tom Bell: Well, okay. What do we circulate? Lookin' for a man who recently drunk milk?


In this Coen masterpiece, we are introduced to a well constructed, almost new age western (to use those terms lightly), where we follow Llewelyn Moss, a nobody, as he finds a satchel full of money from a drug deal gone bad. He tries his hardest to hold on to it all, even after a psychopath (carrying a mightily fun weapon) starts to close in on him to get the money for himself.

To make up for my absence, I thought I would add an extra long summary to better serve my reading audience. Except not really, it just seems long because most other movies I review can be summed up with a few words. Anyway, on to the actual reviewing.

To commemorate this review, I will start with... the soundtrack. Actually, as far as my memory can hold up, most of the movie was played through without any music at all. However, one thing that always struck me about this film that I can always love the Coen's for is their expertise with dialogue. It really feels like they captured the region's accents perfectly, and used it to help capture the mood from scene to scene.

Another aspect that was captured perfectly in this film was the intensity of everything happening on screen. Now this film is no horror of any sorts, but some of the events that unfold will leave you at the edge of your seat waiting to find out what is happening on the other side of the door. Most of the credit for that goes to Javier Bardem who plays the psychopath. Almost all of the scenes where he is forced to have conversations with other characters, you are never quite sure what is going through his head or how he is going to react.

One last performance to note would be that of the sheriff. By far the wisest character of them all, it almost seems he is reluctant to grasp on to the enormous chain of events that is unfolding around him. His deductive reasoning is amazing, and he tries to convince himself it is not sometimes simply just to give himself some sort of solace from the brutal truth. To prevent this review from growing to large, I will just touch on the camera by saying it is in solid form and fully competent.

After all of that, nothing negative really rings in my memory, so that would leave this piece of art at the comfortable score of...

Score: 5/5

Notes: Mother-in-Law, Chicken Crates, Mexico Border

The Ladykillers (2004; Joel & Ethan Coen)

Ah, how I do love the Coen Brothers. I am sure it won't take me long to get most of their movies up, so to at least bring a flimsy curtain of variation in my reviews, I am going to simply scramble the order in which they are reviewed as to keep you guessing which Coen film is next. How exciting.


A widely different group of people are brought together by a "ring leader" of sorts (Tom Hanks with an obnoxiously funny laugh) to try and rob a casino in a small Mississippi town. I know I have been shying from horror lately, but that is just to prevent this site from being bogged down in it and nothing else. I have a feeling an influx of horror reviews will come soon after as I will feel that I have neglected the genre, but whatever. It's my site.

In this venture into cinema, the Coen's managed to once again take "bad" people and make them lovable. Everyone will find at least one of the gentlemen they can bond with and enjoy. Each one is frequently making the best (for us) of each situation as we laugh at what they will do for money. It even includes my favorite Coen trademark; the repeated lines of dialogue.

The camera feels a tad bit uninspired for a Coen film, but only a tad. Not like moving from a $600,000 home to a $100,000 home, more of a $600,000 to a $550,000 (you lose your added garage space or a few extra outlets in the basement). The score fits wonderfully with the setting and never out stays it's welcome.

As for criticisms, the ending was sort of seen from a mile away, and while not always a bad thing, it just seemed too generic, like as if you see a pretty blonde girl, only to approach her and find out her shirt says "I'm a princess". Sure, she is still pretty, but having that worn down attitude makes it a little less attractive.

And no, it isn't just you. I did use two long winded analogies in one review.

Score: 4/5

Notes: Yes, he did bring his bitch to the Waffle Hut.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975; Milos Forman)

I figured I would throw in some more old movies for you to enjoy. Keep up a little variety on here.


A criminal convinces the system he is mentally ill and get into an asylum. He then slowly bonds with the real mentally ill as he plans his escape out.

I am going to try and be hip again by changing my style up a little. The first part I am going to comment on is the performances by all the actors. Absolutely superb. They are all completely flawless and believable, and never feel like they are pushing their part too far. On a character study such as this, it really was essential to believe the bonds of the people in the hospital.

The camera is pretty plain, but at the same time well executed plain. While sticking with pretty generic angles, the shots have a wonderful sense of balance to almost (but not quite) make up for it. The score is a lot of fun, and seems to lend a lot to the tone of each scene as they play out.

Since it has been coming up in several reviews, I would like to point out that this is a good example of how to craft a longer movie. The pace is kept solid without ever tapering off or speeding up. Twists in the story keep the movie fresh, and it never feels obvious (and at the same time, never feels too spontaneous). That doesn't mean boring thriller twists, just general changes in the direction of the story. If it had a twist such as split personality, I don't think I could give it a score even remotely close to...

Score: 4/5

Notes: Indian Chief, Lobotomy, and Basketball

The Pianist (2002; Roman Polanski)

One thing.

1. I am not just going to give points to the movie because it touches a sensitive event. Just because the movie is about a jew in World War II, doesn't mean I am going to treat it like one. That is probably how it got it's Oscars.


Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I can begin. Brody's character (I could never remember how to spell his name, so I won't even try) is one of the most amazing piano players alive, but he is also a jew in Poland. Oh, and Germany has invaded. Oh, and it's during World War II. I am sure I don't have to explain the rest of the movie to you (oh, and there is a lot of it).

It has become apparent to me that people who adore this film bash on younger people like me who didn't enjoy this film because my generation is apparently the "A.D.D." generation, and we need violence, boobs, and short movies or else they aren't good.

Fuck you.

They are defending a movie that was created with racial stereotyping by using stereotyping. I gave "12 Angry Men" a 10/10. "Kingdom of Heaven" is also a 10/10 (three and a half hour movie). Just because I feel Roman Polanski didn't fully weave a masterpiece (and what a task it is to weave a two and a half hour movie like this) doesn't mean I am some hyperactive little joke of a child.

I have commented on long movies before, and let me give all the credit in the world to Polanski for this daring attempt. However, so many characters and so many scenes just feel so... inconsequential to the movie as a whole. You can sit there and film tragedy all day, but that doesn't mean it will be heart wrenching. When you are using these things in a film, you have to know when to put it to an end. Due to this very lengthy string of events, the film itself winds up extremely uncompelling. It could have had so much more power if he would have cut out just a half an hour.

I feel I could go on more about that, but I will cut it short as to prevent this review from taking the same tragic course the film did. The camera was crystal clear, with an effective use of lighting, and a clear eye for what he wants. The effects used are flawless and he never gets too ambitious as to detract from the reality of the subject matter.

So while Polanski clearly still has a keen eye and more talent then most, I feel he grew too ambitious, and felt too attached to the subject (he was in (Poland, I think) when these events took place) to actually cut out what he normally would have gladly done for anything else that wasn't so personal. This not only leads to a lengthy film and lessened impact, it leads to less replay-ability and a score of...

Score: 3/5

Notes: Tin Can of Food, Won Three Oscars (once again, you would be surprised how much that works)

Burn After Reading (2008; Joel & Ethan Coen)

This review will be biased. I have a very strong... fondness for the Coen Brothers.



Look at them! Don't you just want to run up and take them...



Burn After Reading. Okay, so, in the most basic degree (very basic) a group of very dumb gym employee's (and owner) get a hold of a disc that previously belonged to an CIA agent (Malkovich with exceptional brilliance). They decide they should try and get some money off of the transaction, because as far as they are concerned, it could be one of the most important documents to exist in the USA.

To bring some excitement to this site, I am going to start employing new styles to keep things fresh. I will be hip. To launch this new wave of hip, I am going to change the order. I will start with the camera.

The camera, in true Coen form, stays reliably fresh, always seeming to find all the right corners at all the right times. Excitingly explorative (not a real word, it turns out), yet in a simple and consice manner.

The biggest problem I had with this film was the beginning. The first thirty minutes felt like a very slow drag into what is supposed to be (I assume) a faster paced film. Some of their jokes are not as succesful as I would have hoped, yet not complete duds either.

Back to positive now (told you I am hip). The dialogue, also true to Coen fashion, has their traditional awkward feel, which seems to always add to their dark comedy tones. Next point is, while I am sure this will get me crap, that I found the... structure of the film well crafted. The constant feeling of a grand scheme building up, yet there really is nothing to build. I felt that, while most likely leaving most people disappointed or frustrated, really was the genius behind the film.

So with a most likely violent shit storm for doing this, I give this film a...

Score: 4/5

Notes: Dildo Throwing, Nathaniel Fisher Sr. (that one is for me)

The Departed (2006; Martin Scorsese)

To be completely honest, I really wasn't expecting much from this Scorsese crime movie. I mean, sure, Scorsese has made some good crime dramas, but the whole genre feels sort of dead to me. It all is starting to blend together (kind of like Westerns).


So one guy decides to be a dirty cop, and another guy decides (kind of) that he wants to be an undercover cop for the guy that the dirty cop is being dirty for. Yeah, if you thought that sentence was messy, imagine how they must feel. So the movie follows as both of the cops try to figure out who the other is before one of them is dead.

To stay in character, I will start with good and move my way to bad. This movie was in fact a thriller. Meaning that I was really interested in who was going to get caught by who first. That part of the movie really did have my attention, but some other things... eh... (that good thing didn't last long).

First thing you notice is that they stress being Irish a lot, however, I felt that whole part of the film really wasn't needed. Maybe they thought it would add more dimension to the characters, but I personally could care less if they are Irish.

The camera is very direct and to the point. That is good. It just isn't great. In a great movie, you want more from your camera then just normal. The score seemed sort of out of place in some parts, and even at times felt like they forgot to tell someone to stop the music, as it continues on into the next scene, out staying it's welcome.

I feel I should point this out. The problem with long movies is that for every fifteen or twenty minutes you extend a film past around an hour and forty minutes, the stress put on the pacing of the film is increased exponentially. I feel Scorsese, while handling it okay, needs a little more practice with it if he wants to continue making movies that are as long as this one (two and a half hours).

As most of those problems are very minor, and the story itself was very gripping, this film still walks away with...

Score: 3/5

Notes: Cocaine Shower, Impotence, Won an Oscar (Hey, that works on more people then you think)

Irreversible (2002; Gaspar Noé)

I am going to be completely blunt. This film almost perfectly demonstrates a balance between beauty and destruction.This film just goes from one extreme to the other so casually and smoothly you almost feel that such devastation and romance go together. We are voyeurs to the entirety of the act, floating so casually over each step.


The entirety of the film is not stretched, so we are really watching ninety-seven or so minutes of these peoples lives, yet the consequences of the acts performed in those drastic minutes are so far reaching it is almost incomprehensible. The story is unfolded to us backwords (Memento style for those who know it) and is infinetely more powerful. We are told the tale of a woman's (Alex; Monica Bellucci) night with her current boyfriend and her ex as they go to a party. She gets in a fight with her boyfriend and leaves to go home and sleep. On her way back, she goes through an underground tunnel where she is brutally raped. I am talking brutally. This has to be one of the most emotionally potent scenes in cinema. After they discover what has happened by seeing her on a strecher (whether she died from the abuse or trauma or is just unconscious we never know) the men take matters into their hands.

The cinematography only adds to the impact. We are flown around on a freeroaming camera that seems to explore every possible angle of certain rooms. That sensation of being floated around leads to the sense of us simply being voyeurs to the crisis as it unfolds, and never feels over done or distracting. The only time I can recall the camera sitting still is during the one time we beg for it to move.

The color pallette used during the first half is dramatically different then what is used at the end. We are completely drenched in dark reds and black to where when we are finally treated to the rest of the color wheel we feel liberated and the tense nature of the colors becomes non-existant. This, of course, corrolates directly to the events in the film, which means the only uncomfortable feeling you have when the rape is over and the film tones down is the haunting memory that will continue to play through your head for a long time to come.

The film plays with some very heavy themes as well. It dabbles with the importance of dreams and the powers of time. Near the end of the film, at the start of their day, Alex tells her boyfriend the events of her dream, how she was traversing through a tunnel of red until it suddenly broke in two. The point where her old life ends and her new life begins.

I could go on for a long ass time, but I will cut it off there, having only touched each area of the film I felt was important so that you will have a feel of the film, but not come to full grips with it until you are thown into Alex's life yourself. The only flaw that detracts from this film is that it will suffer from more then one viewing.

Score: 4/5

Notes: Performance Problems, Philosopher, Bondage (Not In Rape)

Mazes and Monsters (1982; Steven Hilliard Stern)

To get this site some bulk so people have something to read, I figured I would have to post frequently at the start and then slow myself to about once or twice a week, and what better way then to take old reviews I wrote about movies a long time ago and post them up here now. It feels like cheating to me somehow, but I did write them, so whatever. I will tweak them a little bit so they feel more recent to me at least.


As I sat with my very nerdy friends and talked about movies, one of them turned to me and said he had something he wanted me to watch. You see, me being the only person who really cares a lot about cinema in that group, my opinion tends to carry a lot of weight, and if his movie gains approval from me, the rest of them will want to watch it and he will be the hero of the day for finding such a film (we have small time ambitions). He pulls out this. A very old, very Tom Hanks movie based off of my friend’s favorite game in the world, “Dungeons & Dragons”. Now, I try to be fair, so I just smiled and said I would give it a run through. I am also very honest, so I told him I wasn’t expecting much of... anything for this experience. Well, I paid for my fairness.

The basics are that Tom Hanks… I mean… Robbie Wheeling and a group of college buddies decide that, as thrilling as their addicting game, WoW… I mean Mazes and Monsters is, they want to kick it up a notch. They decide to start playing the game in the local, legendary cavern that no one is allowed in. The movie follows Tom… Robbie and his friends as fantasy and reality begin to blur as the game seems to become their life.

The idea behind the movie wasn’t really that bad, at least to me. I have friends who base their lives around games like this, so I understand where it is coming from. It could have been a really fun movie to watch, however, an idea doesn’t make a movie good. This film excelled at failing. It failed so bad that I could be easily persuaded to believe that they made this movie bad on purpose to scare people away from such games. I was expecting huge mazes and exciting monsters. Instead I got a cave, a city, and a lizard man. Who appeared like... once.

On the positive side, like I said earlier this movie had a fun idea. This movie also had Tom Hanks. I am not saying that Tom Hanks makes it good in anyway, but something about his name...

Score: 1/5

Notes: Tom Hanks, Robbie Wheeling, Tom Wheeling, Robbie Hanks

12 Angry Men (1957; Sidney Lumet)

While my taste in cinema tends to lean very heavily into the horror genre, I decided I would try as hard as I could to keep my entries as broad as possible to keep things a little more interesting for people who don't care as much for horror as I do. So with that in mind, I bring you my thoughts on the 1957 masterpiece, 12 Angry Men.


12 Angry Men can be summed up very quickly, as all but about five minutes of the film are shot in one single room. In what appears to be one of the easiest murder cases alive, the twelve jurors are sent in to determine if an eighteen year old from the slums was responsible for the murder of his father. With several witness statements stacked against the boy, it seems quite obvious to the jurors that the verdict is guilty. However, a single man, juror #8 (Fonda in a remarkably commanding role) thinks they should at least try and give the boy a chance before sentencing him to death.

I will go no further in my summary, for to ruin even one small piece of the jury's debate would be to spoil so much. One thing I will say, however, is that building up the guilty verdict before juror #8 brings up his first disagreement makes that first disagreement that much more powerful. Not only is Fonda left with the duty of changing the minds of the other eleven jurors, he has to change ours as well.

One thing to pay very special attention to, is the way the cameras are controlled. As the movie progresses, the general height of the cameras is dropped, which adds a sense of the room enclosing upon us as if it was already not small enough to begin with. At the beginning we are generally placed above the jurors, and by the end of the film, we are at their feet. An extra step that pushes us into that room with those men is the fact that the temperature of the room is made so palpable, you yourself might start to sweat.

There is mountains more I could discuss about how well crafted and shot the film was, but that would require me spoiling bits and pieces, and that is something I will refuse to do with such a film. So having said that, there is only one thing left to do.

Score: 5/5

Notes: Man Sweat, Man Anger, Men, No Women